The Bucket List
by Chaotic.Coffee.Bean
Summary: Raven is finally trying new things. Finally getting out of her shell. The team couldn't be happier. But Beast Boy senses something amiss with his favorite empath, and he's making it his personal mission to find out what's wrong. BBRae
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**

Well this is a fun little story that popped into my brain. I don't know how long it will be. I haven't written in so long so bear with me! Please read and review. Tell me anything. Did you love it? Hate it? Was it worthy of your precious time? Should I keep going? All comments are greatly appreciated.

With love,

Your friendly (sometimes) neighborhood Chaotic Coffee Bean

Disclaimer: I'm sure there is some sort of alternate universe where I own the Teen Titans...this is not one of them.

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 **Chapter 1**

It started off with little things.

She indulged in soda rather than water during dinner. One time I saw her pick out a comic book in the bookstore rather than her usual 500+ page novels.

Slowly, very slowly, she moved on to bigger things out of her comfort zone.

First she started refereeing our stink ball games, even if it was only for one round. One time I caught her watching a comedy I chose for movie night, rather than read one of her novels on the corner of the sofa. She would volunteer to hang out with Starfire at the mall, something we all knew she loathed.

The others didn't notice, but I did. No one noticed her more than I did.

After all, I'm the one that practically risked being thrown into another dimension -Raven's personal favorite threat she saved especially for me- whenever I tried to include her in our daily activities. At first I thought that she was finally getting comfortable in her own skin. Us, Titans, we are not what you can call normal teenagers. We are outcasts, mutants, aliens, orphans, freaks. But I always felt that Raven and I were the least likely to fit in to society. We were the outcasts within our little group of outcasts.

Starfire was an alien, but she was unbelievably strong, intelligent, and insanely beautiful. Robin was smart, handsome, and a billionaire. Other than the fact that he was trained by Batman, he was just an ordinary guy. Sure, Cyborg was half metal, but he grew up the most normal of us all. Before his accident he was a lady's man, a football star, the son of a famous scientist.

But Raven and I? We were different. Not only is our appearance…. well strange, to say the least, we grew up secluded from what a lot of society valued.

It's true, I don't know a lot about Raven's past, but I could tell she was like me. Hiding pain deep, deep inside. I tried covering it up with my jokes and laughter, and she tried to suppress it and hide herself away from us, her friends.

Ever since I met her I knew we were the same. Damaged. Alone.

That's why I tried so hard. So freaking hard to get her out of her shell. She is my hope for feeling normal and like I'm not alone with this beast inside me. But she always rejected me!

Couldn't she see that we are the same? It killed me seeing her push us away and hold her secrets so tightly in her mind. I wanted to have someone like me to experience life with…and Raven, well, she's perfect!

That's why I was so surprised when I realized she was coming out of her shell and experiencing new things. Had all my efforts of including her with in our little family paid off? This was my chance at telling her how I feel about her!

Finally!

But then I really paid attention.

She had a different look in her eyes. One of fear and anxiety.

For years I had studied that beautiful pale face of hers trying to decipher her thoughts. I have to admit, she made a solid effort at trying to hide what she was feeling, but she could never fool me, I knew her too well.

I could see the change in how she carried herself, almost as if she was waiting for the world around her to collapse, and every time that I saw her trying something new, she had the saddest look in her eyes. I wanted to ask her what was up with her, lately. I knew it would be a lost cause. Raven never told us what she was feeling, but at least she'd know that I was there for her.

I finally had my chance to confront her really late one night.

It was stormy out, and the thunder always put me on edge. When you've got hearing like mine, thunder, roaring winds, and the sound of rain constable knocking on your window, is not the most soothing sound to sleep too.

Might as well get a midnight snack, right?

I made my way to the Tower's kitchen with the thought of oatmeal cookies and soy milk on my mind. I smelled her as soon as the heavy metal doors slid open.

She was on the sofa wearing her pajamas with a steaming cup of tea in her hands. She also happened to be soaking wet.

As soon as she saw me, she froze, and her eyes betrayed her emotion of slight panic of being caught.

"Beast Boy? What are you doing here?"

"Couldn't sleep."

I walked closer to her.

"Umm Raven- Why are you all wet?"

Silence. Of course she wouldn't answer me, Raven never answered what she considered personal questions. But I was not about to give up. Now was the perfect time to investigate what was going on with her.

I stared at her straight into her eyes, and she stared back at me harder, probably hoping her cold look would make me go away. Nope. Not this time.

I continued to stare at her, waiting for her answer. I could hear the slight thumping of her heartbeat slowly, slowly getting faster. Even in the darkness, I could see a blush creeping into her cheeks. And then there it was. That flash of fear and sadness in her eyes.

It only lasted a second, and if I hadn't been staring at her so closely I would have missed it.

"What's been up with you lately Raven?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well…you've been trying new things lately, hanging out with us more, and that's great! But…"

"There's a but? I seem to recall you pestering me to participate in more activities with the team. Are you protesting against that now?"

"Well…," I hesitated.

"Good night Beast Boy, "she drawled before she got up and walked towards the door. Her soaking wet clothes left a trail of water after her.

No! I couldn't let this chance at finding out what was wrong escape! If only I had prepared some sort of speech or something. If only I had known I would have this perfect opportunity. I've never been known as the best talker and I couldn't risk the chance of Raven deciding I had nothing important to say and leaving. I racked my brain for anything to say.

"I know you've been scared."

Raven froze. Her heart thumped louder in her chest, and I could smell her anxiety thick in the air.

"You're trying new things but you're scared. And sad. I can tell."

She slowly turned to face me.

"I'm the one that's the empath, remember?" she scoffed. I could tell she was trying to put on a brave face, but her eyes betrayed her.

"Something's wrong. Isn't it? I know you try to hide it Raven, but I can tell. You know, you're not as good as hiding your emotions as you think you are."

I expected her to walk to away, as usual. Or maybe roll her eyes and tell me I was stupid and imagining things. Hell, I would even expect her threatening me for being too nosy in her personal life, but she didn't do any of those things.

Slowly, she took a few steps closer to me and reached for my hand. Her fingers were wet, icy, and trembling. I never noticed her hands were so small. She gave me a small sad smile.

"You know, people don't really give you enough credit Beast Boy. You're not as dense as you let others believe."

Before I could react, she opened a portal and walked through it. My hand fell limply to my side from where she had held it. Her hand had been freezing, but her touch left me feeling uncomfortably warm.

It took a second to make sense of what exactly had just happened. Had she just complimented me? Did she really just hold my hand? Everyone knew she hated physical contact. That girl acted so strangely sometimes.

At least there was something I knew for sure. There was something wrong with Raven, and I was going to find out what is was.

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Short, I know….but here it is!

Please let me know how you like it, so I can continue.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note**

Hello wonderful readers! First off, I want to thank everyone who took the time to read this story, and I want to give double thanks to everyone who left me a review. Y'all are the best! Reviews really encourage me to keep on writing, because it lets me know you like the story and are waiting to hear more.

Also I didn't put this is in the first chapter because I'm not sure if it will be helpful to the story, but if any of you watched the show (which I'm guessing you have), this story takes place probably a little after _The Beast Within._

So without further ado, on with the show!

Hope you enjoy,

Chaotic Coffee Bean

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I'm sure there is some sort of alternate universe where I own the Teen Titans...this is not one of them.

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 **Chapter 2**

The storm did not let up that night. My brain was buzzing from everything that happened with Raven. As if the storm and my restless thoughts weren't enough to keep me awake, the air was still thick with her scent, and there was giant a wet spot on the sofa where she had been sitting. I spent the rest of the night laying down on the sofa of the ops room, staring at the ceiling, and wondering how in the hell I was going to find out what was wrong with Raven. I racked my brains searching for a way to approach her.

In many ways, Raven was like a wild animal: cautious, strong, territorial. Thankfully, I just so happen to be an expert in animals. So how do you get a wild animal to understand you mean no harm to them? You have to gain their trust, and that's where it gets tricky. Raven was weary of people and things she wasn't familiar with. She treaded life with caution and was slow to trust, and trust me, it takes forever to earn Raven's trust. Even after 2 years of knowing her, she was still secretive about her life and her past. One wrong move and the trust and friendship we've built could come crumbling down.

I couldn't confront her again, that wouldn't work. Prying would get me nowhere, I knew that from experience. I'd been prying her to open up for years and that hasn't gotten me anywhere. If I wanted her to open up to me I would have to earn it.

It felt like no time had passed, but soon sunlight started peaking in through the windows. Raven and Robin would be up soon; they were the early birds of the tower. (Pun most definitely intended)

Sure enough, just a few seconds later I heard the metal doors of the Ops room slide open, followed by light footsteps walking towards the kitchen.

I could recognize those footsteps from anywhere, especially after thinking about her all night. I felt a slight wave of panic course through me. I was definitely _not_ ready to confront her again. What was I supposed to say to her after last night?

I quickly stood up off the sofa and joined her in the kitchen where she was busy making some coffee.

"You're up early," her voice was quiet, probably embarrassed about the night before.

"Yeah, I never got around to sleeping actually."

We stayed wrapped in a thick, awkward silence after that. I stared at the back of her cloak-covered head while I searched my brain for anything to say; I didn't want to make this even more awkward than it already was.

Giving up, I busied myself by making a bowl of cereal. Raven sat at the table with her coffee and I sat across from her, hoping she would just say something already. To no avail of course. She just sat there, coffee mug in hand, staring down at the dark steaming liquid.

Then it hit me.

"Hey Rae, don't you usually drink tea in the morning?"

She stiffened slightly at my question, but continued to stare at her coffee, avoiding my eyes.

"It's _Raven_. Not Rae."

"Fine, fine _Raven._ Did you run out of tea or something?"

Her reply came out almost as a whisper, "I always see Robin drinking it black. No sugar. I've always wanted to try it."

Maybe I should just get out there and say it? I had nothing better planned to say, and anything was better than sitting across from each other in suffocating, uncomfortable silence.

Well, here goes nothing.

"You've been trying out a lot of new things lately."

She slammed her mug down on the table angrily, splashing drops of hot coffee and stared me, eyes full of anger.

On second thought…uncomfortable silence was definitely better than an angry Raven. I could practically feel the heat of her anger burning my face, but it was too late to back out now. At least I got her to look me in the eye.

"Can you just drop it? It's not your job to help me, or fix me, or whatever the hell you're trying to do."

"You can't fix what isn't broken Raven. You're not broken."

"You can't know that. You barely even know me."

"Not for lack of trying! How long have the titans been together? Two years now?"

"What do you expect from me? Everyone has their secrets, even you."

She had a point there. Over the past few years that we've known each other we've all learned some things from our past, but even I hadn't told everyone many things about myself. Not even Cyborg, and he's my best friend.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

She gave me a bewildered look and raised an eyebrow, "I didn't expect you to drop that subject so easily. I thought you weren't mature enough for that."

"Gee thanks…I just want to show you that I'm serious about this Raven. Maybe you can't see it, maybe you don't feel the same, but you're my friend and I care about you. I know something is wrong."

She looked down at the table, her dark cloak covering her face, making it impossible for me to decipher what she was feeling or thinking, but I could see how hard she was gripping her coffee mug. Her knuckles were white from the effort, hands shaking ever so slightly.

"There are things from my past… things I can't tell anyone about. Can't you understand that?"

"Look Raven, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, but I don't want you to go through whatever this is alone. That's what friends are for, and I'm your friend, right?"

"I guess one could call us that."

"Aww come on Rae, don't be like that! Of course we're friends. I save your butt, you save mine. That's how this works."

"For the LAST time it's RAVEN, you imbecile."

I raised up my hands quickly in surrender. I was finally getting somewhere with this girl, and I was not about to mess this up for calling her the wrong name.

"Sorry! Sorry! So, what do you say? We in this together, or what?"

I wagged my eyebrows before turning into a cat and giving her the cutest face I could muster. No one could resist the face.

Raven rolled her eyes, annoyed, but I could tell that she was seriously thinking about my proposition. My heart pounded inside my chest hoping she would say yes. Finally, after what seemed like hours of her internal debate, she touched a hand to her forehead and sighed.

"Fine."

"YES," I yelled after transforming back into a human. If I hadn't been so sure of being maimed, I would have hugged her. I looked straight into her eyes, and gave her the most sincere smile I could possibly muster.

"I swear Raven, I won't let you down. Whatever you're going through, I'll be by your side. You're not alone."

A nice comfortable silence descended on us. I knew she wouldn't admit it, but I could tell she felt like a weight was removed from her shoulders. Whatever she was so afraid of, she had been holding it in, but those days were over. Now she had me on her side.

After a few moments, she eyed her coffee curiously, picked it up, and took a sip.

"So? What's the verdict? Is it any good?"

"Well…it's not my cup of tea."

I couldn't help but chuckle and give her a wide smile. "Did my ears deceive, me or did you just make a joke?"

"Despite what you may think of me Beast Boy, I _can_ make jokes," she looked up at me, giving me her signature tiny almost-smile.

For the second time in, well, forever, she reached for my hand and frowned.

"Come to my room tonight. After the others are asleep. I'll tell you what I can."

And with that, she drank one last quick sip of coffee and teleported out of the room. It was time I found out the truth.

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A/N:

Will Beast boy find out what Raven is up to? Will Raven tell Beast Boy why she is so afraid? Oh the mystery...

This chapter kind of sets up the rest of the story. I hope you all enjoyed it!

If you love this, hate this, or have a comment please don't hesitate to leave me a review. Reviews are this story's life blood.

Until next time!

Chaotic Coffee Bean


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note**

Hello, my beautiful readers! I tried to get this online as fast as I possibly could. I hope you all enjoy!

Chaotic Coffee Bean

Disclaimer: I'm sure there is some sort of alternate universe where I own the Teen Titans...this is not one of them.

 **Chapter 3**

Night time could not come fast enough.

I spent the entire day in mental agony waiting for the sun to finally go down and for everyone to go to bed. Tonight, Raven would finally open up a teensy bit about why she was trying all these new things, and about why she seemed so anxious lately.

The excitement of knowing what was waiting for me when the sun went down made my already short attention span, completely nonexistent. I couldn't concentrate on anything, and everyone noticed.

I got an earful from the bird boy for being distracted during combat practice that morning. I got the all-time slowest time on our obstacle course, and Robin made me run it twice more as punishment for my "insubordinate laziness". That obstacle course is a killer to complete, and after the three rounds I made, I was sure my legs would fall off. I got yelled at by a very angry Starfire for accidently kicking her into Plasmus during a mission before lunch. We had planned to eat lunch at our usual pizza joint after our mission, but Starfire smelled so bad after her unfortunate tumble with plasmus, that the usual lunch crowd evacuated from the restaurant. The manager kindly pleaded that we take our pizzas home with is instead of eating there before we drove her out of business. Starfire was beyond embarrassed, and she yelled at me in all the languages she knew. Starfire knows _a lot_ of languages. The poor alien would be washing out plasmus goo from her long fiery hair for the next several days. And Cyborg, well, he actually enjoyed my distracted brain because it meant that he beat me at every single stinking round of Mega Monkeys 9001.

Under different circumstances I would consider it one of my worst days. However, this was not a normal day. My brain spun from the excitement of having Raven open up to me. Night time couldn't come fast enough.

But then night time actually came and my excitement turned into an unforgiving storm of nerves and anxiety. What was I thinking? Raven invited me into her _room._ At night. It was not the nicest place to be in. The last time I had gone in there was more than a year ago when Cyborg and I accidently went into her mind. We almost died that night. What if Raven's problems were way out of my league and I had no way to help her, what then? She'd never trust me again. What if I said the wrong thing to her and the little bit of trust I was able to build with her came crumbling down?

I paced my room for hours, waiting to hear Robin's footsteps walk to his room for the night. He was usually the last one to sleep because he liked to catch up on paperwork at night when he could get some peace and quiet. Starfire, Cyborg, and Raven had all gone to their rooms an hour ago. Finally, a few minutes after midnight, I heard Robin's unmistakable steel-toed shoes walking down the hall to his room.

It was now or never.

I creeped out of my room and quickly made my way to Raven's door. My heart thumped loudly in my chest and I could hear my blood rushing in my head. My palms were slowly creating pools of sweat inside my gloves.

I had debated changing in my pajamas before coming, but decided going to Raven's room in pajamas was too weird. In fact, going to Raven's room at all was weird. Raven was an incredibly private person. She _never_ invited anyoneinto her room. Ever. Being invited was an enormous display of trust, which was why this was so nerve-wracking. Raven _trusted_ me. Enough to let me into her room, enough to disclose just a little bit about herself. The pressure was on, and I didn't want to mess this up.

I raised a shaky, sweaty, glove-covered hand and knocked on the door. It slid open immediately, and a pale hand grabbed the front of my uniform and pulled my inside.

"You should have turned into a bug or something, someone could have seen you," she said nervously, as she pulled me to the center of her room.

"Don't worry, I made sure everyone was in their rooms when I came."

"Still…"

I stood in the middle of her room, looking around cautiously. It was exactly as I remembered it. It was dark in there, with only small lamps and candles illuminating the room. Her walls were painted a dark blue, almost black. One wall was made entirely of glass, and the curtains were pulled open revealing an amazing view of the bay and the Jump City skyline. On the opposite end, her wall was covered in giant wooden bookshelves which Cyborg had made especially for her. Each bookshelf was filled neatly with novels, spell books, and whatever else she read. In the corner of one of those bookshelves I spotted the brightly colored comic book I had caught her buying a few weeks ago. It was so unlike her other reading materials, which were thick and bland in color. The strangeness of seeing a comic bookin her room, brought me back to why I was here in there in the first place. I stopped looking around the room and turned to the girl I was here for.

In the center of the room stood Raven. She wore a simple set of pajamas made up of a large t-shirt and loose shorts. It was strange seeing her out of her cloak. While the rest of us did not wear our uniforms around the tower on slow crime days, Raven usually chose to keep her cloak on. Now that is was off, it was like looking at her for the first time. The cloak gave Raven an air of mystery. It helped hide her body language and, when she decided to put the hood on, her facial expressions; this all gave her an appearance of confidence and intimidation because you could never really tell what she was thinking. Now that she was without it she looked…vulnerable and so much less intimidating.

She was wringing her hands nervously and her shoulders were ever so slightly hunched over. Her cloak also hid how small she actually was. We all had our fair share of muscles. It came with the job of being a hero as well as with the grueling workouts we endured everyday under Robin's training. Still, even despite the muscles I knew she had, Raven was one small girl-or woman, I should say. Yup, definitely a woman.

"What are you looking at," she asked, suddenly self conscious.

"It's just strange. Being in your room, at night, with you in pajamas," I laughed quietly, "I feel like I'm at a slumber party or something."

"Are you making fun of me?" she asked accusingly "because if you are, then you should just leave."

"What? No! Of course not Raven. I'm just nervous. You don't usually have me over as a guest in your room."

"I don't usually have _any_ guests in my room."

We stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, each of us waiting for the other start the conversation we both knew was in our minds.

"Come sit down," said Raven quietly, turning to the bed.

"Er- sure."

We both sat facing each other on the center of Raven's large dark bed. From the covers her intoxicating scent wafted towards my nose. She obviously spent a lot of time sitting on her bed, probably reading.

I shook my head.

 _Focus dude_. _Sure, you may be on your pretty friend's bed in the middle of the night, but you're here to_ _ **help**_ _._

I sighed loudly, what can I say, I'm a teenage boy.

"I don't know where to start," Raven said suddenly pulling me out of my own thoughts.

"Well you could start with telling me why you've been so scared lately."

"I have _not_ been scared," she growled, putting on her signature Raven-is-so-tough face.

I almost laughed but stopped myself. Making that face half hidden in the shadows of her hood was one thing, but it did not have the same affect when she looked so tiny in her over-large t-shirt pajamas.

She looked cute. Like a kid trying to be tough.

"Oh come on Raven, I know you always say you don't _do_ fear, but you can't hide this from me. It's all over your eyes."

She glared at me, her face unreadable. "Fine, maybe I have been a little more anxious lately. But I can't tell why."

"You don't have to tell me what you don't want to. At least tell me why you've been trying so many new things? I've been trying to get you to join us for the past two years!"

"You mean you've been annoying the hell out of me the past two years."

"Aww come on Raven, don't be like that! You're part of the team. We _want_ you to be involved with us."

I looked at her intently, hoping she could feel how honest I was feeling.

She quickly looked down and frowned.

"Look Beast Boy. I know I haven't been very social within the team in the past. It's hard for me. I've never exactly had 'friends' before. I'm used to doing things on my own."

"Well that's something we have in common."

Her head shot up, her eyes wide in speculating surprise. "What do you mean? Did you not have friends before the Titans formed?"

I rolled my eyes. "Raven I'm GREEN! Kids don't exactly like to hang out with the green kid. Besides, after I joined the Doom Patrol, there wasn't really time to meet kids my age."

Raven nodded slowly, her eyes far away in thought.

"So Raven, why didn't _you_ have friends growing up?" It was apparently the wrong question to ask because she immediately stiffened and got the familiar look of anxiety in her eye.

"My past is…not something I want to talk about."

"Yeah, I understand that," I, of all people, could understand not wanting to talk about a bad past.

Raven almost smiled at that.

"What?"

"Nothing I'm surprised…I was expecting you to ask me a billion annoying questions about my past."

"I know what's it's like having a bad past Raven. Mine wasn't exactly all rainbows and flowers."

Again, she looked surprised. It's true, none of the Titans really knew about my past other than a few random details that were already common knowledge like the fact that I was in the Doom Patrol.

"I'm sorry I didn't know."

I laughed at that, "Well how could you know, if I don't talk about it?"

She smiled a tiny smile at my logic, "You're right that was dumb of me."

"Nah don't say that. My childhood was tough, but I've accepted it."

"How do you do it?" she asked, after a few moments. Her eyes were full of desperate wonder, and I could practically see the world of pain she had experienced in the past. No one knew about Raven's past, she refused to reveal anything about it. Maybe that's what all of this was about? Maybe she was just trying to get over whatever horrors she had experienced.

I reached for her hand slowly-rejoicing internally when she didn't pull away- and squeezed it gently, trying to comfort her. I was still dealing with my own horror stories from my past, and I knew how horrible it is dealing with them on your own.

"I think about my past every day, it still hurts," I said softly, "After I joined the Titans, after I met you guys, you can became my family. It makes dealing with pain a lot easier knowing that someone always has my back. Besides, I can't change what happened to me, but it made me into the hunky Beast Man I am today," I said wagging my eyebrows, trying to get her to laugh.

It didn't work.

Get a hold of yourself Beast Boy, this is no time for jokes. I shook my head, annoyed, hoping my own joke wouldn't ruin the seriousness of what I had just said.

"Sorry that was dumb. Look Raven What I'm trying to say is, whether you decide to tell me anything or not, I'm willing to be your friend. I've got your back."

I gave her hand another squeeze and smiled widely at her. The look in her eyes had changed, and I knew I had said that right thing, for once. She looked relieved, it was the same look she had given me last night when I told her I was going to be by her side no matter what.

"Why are you being so nice to me? Ever since that first day we met, I was foul towards you, picking on you, trying to get you to leave me alone… why didn't you?"

"Because we're the same, Raven. I don't know how, but I could always sense it. You and I, we're different than Robin, or Cyborg, or Star. You make me feel like I'm not the only one hiding something about myself. "

This time it was she who gave my hand a squeeze, and my heart jumped in my chest. I hadn't realized I was still holding her small hand in mine, especially after confessing something I had sworn to myself would not leave my brain. I pulled my hand away quickly, hoping she couldn't notice the heat rising in my cheeks.

"So tell me," I started, trying to get my mind distracted from my blushing, "Why have you been acting differently?"

Her expression when from friendly to dark in a split second. She jumped off the bed and walked to the end of her room to her bookshelf. Under the comic book I had noticed earlier, lay a thin black notebook. Raven grabbed it and held it tightly to her chest, her expression solemn. She sat back on the bed, still clutching the little journal tightly, and looked me straight in the eye.

"Before I show you this you must promise not to laugh, or make fun of me, or say anything stupid…and what we talk about does not leave this room."

The sudden change in the atmosphere in the room made me shiver. One second we were having a moment, the next she was Raven, my cold apathetic teammate that slightly scared me. I nodded stiffly, never taking my eyes of her journal.

After a few moments of staring at me, Raven must have decided I was trustworthy, and loosened her grip on the journal, handing it to me.

I reached for it slowly, hands shaking- whether with fear or excitement I had no idea. Part of me couldn't believe this was actually happening, Raven was finally opening up to me! She trusted me! I starred at the cover of the notebook, trying to soak the feeling in. My mind was racing, wondering what deep dark secrets I would find within. Maybe it was her diary? Maybe she had written dark spells inside? I could hear the blood rushing in my head from the anticipation.

"Come on," Raven's inpatient voice broke my thoughts, "open it."

Right. I had to open it. I used a shaky hand to flip open the front cover and saw pages of small, neat, cursive handwriting that could only be Raven's. I began to read.

1\. Read a comic book

2\. Try coffee the way Robin drinks it

3\. Go for a walk in the rain

4\. Attempt to enjoy shopping with Starfire

5\. Try tofu

6\. Dress up

7\. Watch a comedic film

The list went on and on, filling several pages. What was this?

"Er- Raven I think you gave me the wrong notebook."

She grabbed it from me suddenly, holding it tightly to her chest again. "Don't be ridiculous, of course this is the right one."

"Oh…then….what is it?" I asked, still not understanding how the hell a random list explained what was wrong with her.

Raven groaned, annoyed, before handing me the notebook again. I looked through it again trying to make sense of the list.

Read a comic book? Drink coffee?

Those were things I had caught her doing lately.

Go for a walk in the rain?

I thought back to how I had found her soaking wet last night. It had definitely been raining, that was the reason I hadn't been able to sleep in the first place.

"So this is a list of things you want to do?"

She nodded, her eyes filled with that heartbreaking sadness I had seen too often lately.

"Do you know what a bucket list is, Beast Boy?

"Yeah, it's a list of thinks you want to before you, well, kick the bucket."

She nodded slowly, looking at the pages of her notebook, "When my mother di- the last time I saw my mother, she told me to fill my years with life. I never listened to her. I was always trying to do the right thing. Trying to control my emotions and do good things for the world…that's the whole reason why I decided to join the Titans. I wanted to put some good it in before…well let's just say I want to enjoy the life I have left, like a normal human. There are things I'll never be able to do because of my powers. I have to keep my emotions in check, but I thought that I could at least enjoy the little things."

I stared at her, smiling, "Well that's great Raven! I could totally help you have fun!"

The thought of having Raven experience the things that made life great made me so excited. Raven was never one for fun, which I guess explained why she had been so anxious to try new things. Who isn't scared to try new things, right? Still, there was something off. Raven seemed in no way, excited about this. Her face was blank, as usual, but her eyes… her eyes always told a different story. I thought hard at her words trying to decipher something I must have missed.

"Raven? You're not dying anytime soon, are you?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but her room was suddenly flooded with a flashing red light and the blaring alarm that was so familiar.

"Trouble."

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A/N

Here it is! Chapter 3. Please leave a review and tell me what you think.

Thank you for reading!

Chaotic Coffee Bean


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note:

I'm posting this a little later than I intended, I'm in the process of applying to grad school and it's slowly sucking my soul (Help!), but here it is! Please read and review. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I'm sure there is some sort of alternate universe where I own the Teen Titans...this is not one of them.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

 **Chapter 4**

Out of all the night's we've been called into action. It had to be _this_ night. Out of every villain that could have chosen to cause trouble it had to be _him._

You've got to be kidding me.

After the alarm rang we instinctively ran straight to the ops room to get the crime information from our database. Robin was already at the computer typing furiously. A bed-headed Starfire stood behind him rubbing the sleep from her eyes while attempting to quickly slip on her boots over her slipper socks. Cyborg came in after me, groaning about the time. Raven teleported in last, as she had to wait until I got out of her room so she could change into her uniform. I gave her a small smile, but she avoided eye contact with me and instead stared at Robin, waiting to hear any info about our mission.

Was she really just going to pretend I we weren't just in her room discussing her bucket list?

"There's been a sighting of a villain downtown."

"Please Robin, does the computer say who our foe is?" said Starfire. I could still see a bit of Plasmus goop in her hair because of my mistake from the day before.

"It doesn't. Team, we don't have an exact location, or know who we are up against or so we'll have to split up. Keep your eyes peeled for anyone suspicious and report any activity. We'll have to divide the area into four. Star, you'll cover the air, see if you can spot anything from above. Cyborg, you've got the north-west area. Raven, north-east. Beast boy cover south-east, since it's mostly park area. I've got south-west. Titans, Go!"

Two hours of exhausting searching passed with nothing to show for it. I ran, flew, and sniffed my way through every acre of park land and there was nothing. My lack of sleep was starting to really hit me.

Whoever this villain was, I couldn't wait to get my hands on them and show them a piece of my mind. They interrupted my conversation with Raven for crying out loud! I doubted I would have another opportunity to talk to her so seriously again. For all I knew, Raven was glad for the interruption and was at this moment, deciding to not let me know anything else about why she was acting so strange. At least I knew _what_ she was doing, but I didn't know _why_. Did people usually start working on a giant bucket list of seemingly insignificant experiences like trying coffee or walking in the rain, unless they were expecting to die soon?

I had no idea, but I had to find out. However, there was no way I could find out while searching for _nothing_ at three in the morning with the team. As if to read my mind, my communicator rang loudly in the silent night and I picked it up quickly.

"Dude, Robin. There's nothing out here."

"I know, nothing in my quadrant either," he replied, clearly as annoyed as I was with our waste-of-time mission.

"All clear, man," called out Cyborg.

"Same here," came Raven's gravelly voice.

"I too give the all-clear."

"Looks like we have a false alarm. Meet me on the main road. Robin, over and out."

A few minutes later we all met Robin where he'd asked us. He was on the phone having a not-so-polite conversation with the Jump City police for calling us over nothing.

The streets were quiet, and the most of the shops were closed by this time. The only real places showing signs of any activity were nightclubs and a couple of 24-hour convenience stores and restaurants that fed the drunken club-goers.

At the end of the street, a small brightly-colored shop with neon lights caught my eye.

"Dude!' I called out, pulling Cyborg's arm and turning him in the direction of the shop, "They've got a 24-hour ice cream shop!"

"Aww yeah baby!"

"Oh I would love some cream-of-ice!"

"Last one there pays!" I yelled out to Cyborg and Starfire before I turned into a cheetah and ran as fast as I could. Behind me I could hear Cyborg's heavy metal feet hitting the sidewalk, and the giggles of Starfire as she neared closer and closer before surpassing me and landing at the front door of the shop.

"I am victorious!"

I reached the door shorty after Starfire, and Cyborg arrived seconds later, panting heavily, "Aww man! How am I supposed to beat a cheetah and an alien at a race!"

"Don't be such a sore loser, metal-butt. You're still paying, right Star?" I nudged Starfire playfully waiting for her to agree, but all I heard was her gasp.

"Friends! I have found our foe!"

"Star what are you going on about?" grumbled Cyborg, still annoyed at losing the race. Starfire only pointed at the large window of the shop. I peeked into the bright building. Inside, three young women, who looked like they had just come out of one of the clubs, were crouched under a booth together, looking rather bored. A middle aged man with the ice cream shop's uniform sat on the floor in front of the register, looking like was definitely not paid enough for this. In the center of the bright shop stood our villain. His red hair was long and thin, his skin oily. He was short, chubby, and wore clothes that were slightly too big, making him look like a frumpy lump of a man. In his hand he held a remote control menacingly towards his four hostages.

You've got to be kidding me.

"Control Freak! We've been searching in the middle of the night for Control Freak!" I couldn't believe all this fuss over a B-list villain.

My outburst did not go unnoticed by Control Freak, as he turned towards the window and saw us. Cyborg quickly called Robin and Raven- who had not raced us to the shop- while Starfire and I burst in, ready to take him down.

"Ahh Titans! My great foes, my arch nemeses! I must say I am quite disappointed you did not manage to find me more quickly. I was beginning to think you were too frightened to face me, Control Fre-"

The poor man never had a change to finish his speech. I was not in the mood to deal with his crazy ramblings, his horrible timing, and my lack of sleep. I knocked him out in one swift punch to the face.

"Titans, be ready to-," yelled Robin as he and Raven finally made it to our location, but he stopped talking when he saw Control Freak on the floor, knocked out. "Eh-Is the fight over?"

"Oh Robin, it was most wonderful! Friend Beast boy succeeded in the butt whoop!"

After waiting for the authorities to come and pick up Control Freak and finishing the necessary paperwork that came with every mission, we finally made our way back to the tower, and unceremoniously like fell into an exhausted sleep.

The excitement of the past days with Raven's mysterious actions, her funky mood, and then realizing she was making a bucket list had already turned me into an anxious and confused mess. Add a night of running around downtown Jump City without an ounce of sleep, and you've got yourself a great recipe for a very restless night.

My dreams were a jumble of lists, black notebooks, and running around empty forests with a storm of steaming black coffee- not rain- falling from the sky and burning the skin like hot liquid bullets. My dreams were of a beautiful, pale, anxious face being drowned as it fell down a waterfall that lead straight to a dark coffin, hundreds of feet below the ground where the living do not go. My dreams were of glowing violet eyes that screamed and begged for someone to help, but no one could hear them. No one, except for me. My horrible dreams were of the one person who was slowly driving me insane: Raven.

I awoke with a start, gasping for breath, thankful that they were just dreams. I could tell by the lack of light streaming from my window that it was still way too early to be awake, especially after all the chaos from the night before.

I wished going back to sleep were an option, but I was covered in a sheen of sweat, my heart was beating like crazy, and every time I closed my eyes, the sight of a terrified Raven would pop right into my brain. I knew sleeping would be impossible, and that REALLY sucked considering how exhausted I felt.

"Uuuugghhhh, I just want some damn sleep!" I growled at the darkness of my room.

"Are you okay?"

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I yelled. I sat right up and looked around at the room, my eyes quickly adjusting to the darkness. The small whisper of a voice seemed to come from my bottom bunk, but I didn't want to look. Who the hell was in my room? And in the middle of the night, no less!

"Who's there!" I called out, sniffing the air, trying to see if I could catch their scent.

"It's just me," said the low whisper again. I heard the bed springs squeak and some shuffling as my intruder got off the lower bunk.

"Raven! What are you doing in my room! At night! Was there a mission? Are we under attack? How long have you been here!"

"Beast Boy! Calm down!" she yelled back. She was obviously losing her patience with me, but how else would someone react when they woke up to find someone in their room in the middle of the night?

I rubbed my eyes tiredly and hopped down the top bunk to where she was standing. She was in her pajamas again, her hair mussed. She stood, her arms crossed tightly, looking pretty embarrassed. Behind her, the covers of my bottom bunk were disheveled and there was large dark blue pillow that did not belong to me.

"Wait a minute… are you sleeping in _my_ room?" I asked in disbelief. Raven? Sleeping on my bed? This was definitely some sort of joke, except Raven didn't joke. A dream? Was I still dreaming? I looked up at her again, she looked as tired as I felt. Not to mention extremely uncomfortable and crazy embarrassed.

"Raven, you okay?"

"No, I'm not. Do you mind putting on a shirt...and pants?"

I looked down, realizing I was only wearing my boxers. I had been too tired from the long night to bother putting on anything. I tried not to blush –and failed- over the fact that Raven was obviously trying hard -and failing- to not glance over at my bare chest.

"Fine, but mind explaining to me what you're doing here?" I asked, while searching around the room for the pajamas that were usually kept on the floor for safe keeping.

"No, actually I think it's better if I leave."

"No, wait!" I yelled, abandoning my search for pajamas. "You were obviously here for a reason. Is this part of your bucket list or something?"

Raven could raise an eyebrow like nobody's business, "Why would sleeping in your room be on my bucket list?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. The same reason you wanted to try any of the other stuff, maybe? You still haven't given me a reason why you have that list anyway."

"Forget my reason, let me just go back to my room."

"No, come on Raven. Don't I at least get to know why you were on my bunk in the middle of the night?"

"I don't want to say."

"Why not? You already told me about the bucket list, and I'm pretty sure no one else knows about that one. You can trust me!" I gave her my most genuine smile, hoping I would get her to spill.

"It's embarrassing."

"Embarrassing is my middle name."

"Fine. Sometimes I cometoyouroomcuznightmres"

"Uh- Okay Raven, I may have very good hearing because of my animal senses, but I have no idea what you just said."

Raven's face was continuingly turning darker and darker shades of red from her embarrassment. She held her breathe for a few seconds, looking down at her feet, her arms still crossed tightly.

Poor Raven, she looked like she just wanted to melt right into the floor. I gently grabbed her chin and pulled her face up so that her eyes met mine, "Relax Raven, It's just me."

Her eyes searched mine for a second, before she finally relaxed just a tiny bit, and let out the breath she had been holding.

"Sometimes…sometimes I have nightmares."

I waited for her to say more, but we just stood there for a few awkward seconds in utter silence.

"Uh-everyone has nightmares, Raven,"

"Yes, I know that! But mine… mine are bad. I don't have much control over my powers when I'm sleep, and I've woken up to nightmares before with my powers breaking small things in my room. I tried to find a solution for them but I couldn't find anything to help. Then well everything with-with. Everything with-…"

"With who?"

"Malchior. After everything with him happened…well everyone tried to help me feel better. Everyone told me it was going to be okay, that I would get over. But you… you didn't say any of that. You told me that-"

"-That you weren't alone," I finished for her. I remembered that day so well. It was the first and only time she had hugged me. It was also the first time that I realized she was so much like me. Alone on the inside. I had wanted her to understand so badly, that she wasn't alone. I was facing the same darkness inside as she was.

She nodded slowly, before continuing her story, "A few nights later I had a nightmare. I was desperate for some sleep but every time I tried, I would wake up screaming. The emptiness, the loneliness I felt inside after Malchior…I was going crazy. I did the only think I could think of. I came here, to your room, when I knew you had already fallen asleep. I come here when I have bad nights."

I thought my heart was going to explode from joy at her confession. Raven came to ME when she needed comfort. She came to ME when she wanted to feel better. She came to ME when she needed to fill that familiar emptiness inside. I was to her, what she had always been to me. A friend, a person I could feel not-alone with. Now I knew she felt the same way.

I smiled widely reached my arms to hug her, which she quickly dodged. Typical Raven.

"Well you're welcome here, anytime! But, you know Raven, I'm your friend. You didn't have to sneak in here, or be embarrassed about this."

The embarrassment she showed in her face, slowly faded away. Leaving her looking relived and relaxed, "Thank you Beast Boy. It- it really means a lot. And I'm sorry for invading the privacy of your room."

I laughed at the irony of that, "Hey, that's true! Miss I-demand-privacy-so-never-come-into-my-room."

She just glared, clearly not amused. "I could just leave if you want your privacy back!" she huffed, as we walked towards my bedroom door.

I quickly caught her by the shoulder to stop her, "No, stay! Really, it doesn't bother me."

"Fine."

"You know Raven, if you _really_ want to sleep well, you can always cuddle up on the top bunk with me," I said, wagging my eyebrows.

Behind us, her pillow was encased in her dark magic and came shooing at me at full force. I internally gulped, cursing myself for saying something like that to Raven, of all people.

The force of the pillow knocked me halfway across my room, and I landed hard on my butt. Who knew getting hit with a pillow could hurt so bad

"Be serious!"

"Sorry, Sorry! I was joking!"

"Whatever," she grumbled menacingly as she used her magic to return her pillow to the bed before climbing in and wrapping herself in the blanket.

I followed her lead and made my way to my own bunk. Finally, some sleep. It had been a long day. A _very_ long day, and it wasn't until now that I finally felt my mind relax, and my body unwind enough to get some proper sleep. I had a funny gut feeling that knowing Raven was just a few feet away, was what made me feel so serene.

"Goodnight Raven," I yawned, not expecting a reply.

I was halfway between dreaming and wakefulness when I heard her soft voice. So softly that I wasn't even sure If I had dreamt it. I felt the lightest brush on my cheek, so delicately I was sure it wasn't real.

"Goodnight Beast Boy. Thank you. For everything."

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I hope you enjoyed! Please read and review!


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note**

That's right, two chapters! I had to make up for posting late. Please read and review.

I hope you all enjoy!

Disclaimer: I'm sure there is some sort of alternate universe where I own the Teen Titans...this is not one of them.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 **Chapter 5**

The blinding light from my open windows was what woke me. I slept so amazing, I was sure I had never felt so relaxed before. Why had I been so tired again?

I wracked my brain that seemed to have been swept clean from last night's slumber. Okay Beast Boy, think. We were out in the middle of the night…I was so tired…I went to bed….

I jumped right up, as the memories came flooding back to me. Was it all real? Was it just a weird hallucination from the exhaustion? I mean, it was crazy to think that Raven, (RAVEN!) slept in my room last night, right? There was only one way to find out. Maybe she was still sleeping on my bottom bunk?

I jumped off my bunk to the floor and whipped around towards the bed…empty.

Damn.

Then a thought occurred to me. Raven woke up early. _Really_ early. And me? Not so much.

I glanced at the small black clock sitting on my dresser.

1:48 pm.

Yes! Raven would never sleep in this late. Which means she must have woken up already! Woken up in _my_ room!

I rushed to put my uniform on; I moved so fast I put the darn thing on inside out, then backwards, before I could hold it together long enough to put it on correctly.

I checked her room first.

"Raven! It's me, open up!"

Silence.

I banged of the metal door a few more times with no reply.

I checked the gym next, since it was just down the hall.

I barged in, slightly tripping over some free weights on the floor near the entrance.

Empty.

I ran to the common room, slamming into the door for being too impatient to give it enough time to slide open.

I scanned the room for the girl I hoped I had shared a room with last night. On the far back, Starfire and Cyborg -both looking tired from our late night- were on the couch watching some documentary about who knows what. In the kitchen, Robin was busy cooking up something for lunch, while stifling a yawn.

No Raven.

"Has anyone seen Raven?" I asked aloud, desperately. I needed to know that last night had happened. That I wasn't going insane like my brain was telling me I was.

"Friend Beast Boy! You have awoken from your slumber! I have not seen friend Raven since breaking of the fast."

"Ughh! You think maybe she's in her room? Or meditating?" The growing frantic tone of my voice was impossible to hide. Robin, detective as he was, noticed immediately.

"Why do you need to see Raven?" he said, eyebrow raised. "You better not be planning some prank on her, we all had a rough night."

Before I could answer, I heard a low, quiet voice behind me, "Yeah, Beast Boy, what do you need to see me for?"

I nearly jumped out of my shoes in surprise; my stomach was suddenly filled with butterflies, and my heart leapt. I turned around quickly to face Raven. Unlike the others, she looked incredibly well-rested, just like I felt. She must have been meditating of the roof of the tower, her cheeks and nose were slightly pink from sitting under the heat of the summer sun. She held a small book in her arms, probably with plans to settle into her usual spot of the couch and read before lunch was ready.

"Raven, there you are!"

"Again, why?" she said in her usual bored voice as she walked passed me and towards the couch.

My heart gave a soft lurch. She was being her usual self, I should expect that. Did I expect her to look at me differently? To talk to me differently? This girl, this very private person who kept all her secrets and feelings hidden deep inside had told _me_ about her bucket list. She came to _me_ for comfort last night.

So why was she treating me the same as always?

I pushed the thoughts away, and quickly followed her.

"I thought you and I could talk."

"About?"

She sat on the couch, opened her book, then took a pen from her sleeve and started writing. It wasn't a book, it was her journal. Her bucket list journal.

"Well we could talk about that," I said pointing towards her notebook, "or maybe about how you slept last night. Because I don't know about you…but I slept pretty darn well."

She stiffened for half a second, my only indication that she did in fact sleep in my room last night, but otherwise ignored me while continuing to write inside her notebook.

"So how about it?"

"No thanks."

"No thanks?

"I believe I was perfectly clear. No thanks."

"Aww come on Raven! I want to talk about what happe-"

Suddenly Raven's eyes shined a bright white, and black tendrils of her dark power poured out, making the pen she was holding squirt ink right into my face.

It was not unusual to have Raven's powers break things when she was annoyed at something, I being that annoying something that usually made Raven loose control. Thankfully the others were so used to seeing Raven explode things around me that they didn't really pay attention to this incident.

Raven looked around the room at the other, wide-eyed and worried, obviously hoping they hadn't heard what I said. Then she gave me one of her signature scary Raven death stares.

"There is _nothing_ to talk about," she whispered to me in a low, strained voice, so the others couldn't hear. " _Nothing_ happened last night. Or any night."

I groaned at her quietly. Hadn't we moved passed her not talking to me about things?

"But Raven I thought we-"

"No," she cut me off again angrily, her tendrils of power flowing out of her like static, making the hair on my arms rise. "Just leave me alone!" she yelled.

This time the others heard her and immediately stopped what they were doing to stare at us in surprise. Embarrassed that the others heard her outburst, and angry at my prying, Raven slammed her notebook shut and walked right out of the common room without a second glance at me.

"Beast Boy," started Robin in his you're-in-trouble voice, "What did you do now?"

"Nothing," I grumbled as I left them for my room. I was not in the mood for a lecture. Whatever happy, relaxed, and light feelings I had woken up with were nowhere to be found.

The rest of the day was crap. A headache filled, annoying, piece of shit day.

Raven had locked herself in her room for most of the day, only coming out for tea and food, while ignoring my very existence, which has the same effect on me as piercing a dagger through my heart. She was so frustratingly complicated to understand. One second she is an extremely private person, and the next she is letting me in on her secrets. One second she is reaching out to me in the middle of the night for comfort, and the next she refuses to talk to me and explodes pen ink at my face.

Who could understand her?

Despite trying my best to ignore the others, Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg ALL lectured me about not bothering Raven. About not pestering her with things she did not want to do. About respecting Raven's privacy. If only they could see the irony of their words. Why did everyone always assume it was me who started our fights?

It was one of those rare days where we did not get called out to a mission, and although I usually looked forwards to days like these, my brain was screaming for a crime to happen so I could go out there and fight out my racing thoughts about Raven.

As usually I had no such luck, and the best I could do was hit the gym and tire myself until I was too exhausted to think.

I ran for hours, practiced hand-to-hand, and punched one of our many punching bags until my lungs were on fire and my knuckles raw and bloody. Then I headed to the pool room where I did enough laps that all my muscles felt like gelatin from the over-use.

Too tired I think, or even walk properly, I dragged myself to my shower where I washed away my sweat and soothed my sore muscles. I didn't even bother drying off or putting on pajamas. I went straight to me bed- thanking the sweet gods of exhaustion for clearing my heavy mind- and fell asleep.

I woke with a start to soft tapping on my door.

Oh god why.

Out of all the night to be woken up, why did it have to be the day where I was exhausted to oblivion?

I looked down at my small alarm clock, and groaned loudly.

2:33am.

"Beast Boy. It's me."

Of course it was her. Who else would possible wake me up at this ungodly hour?

Usually I would be ecstatic to know she was outside my door wanting to interact with me, but the events of the day were still fresh in my mind. My annoyance at her was still very real and threatening to seep out and tell her off for being so unbearably confusing.

Maybe if I just ignored her she would just go away and let me sleep? My poor tired muscles were already starting to feel the strain from the abuse I put them through just a few hours ago and I had no intention of moving until it was time to wake up.

Again, the soft tapping on my metal door echoed through my room.

"Beast Boy. I can sense you're awake. Please open."

I sighed and cursed at myself internally. I couldn't resist her.

I jumped out of my top bunk, wincing at the pain of protesting muscles, and quickly pulled my pajamas on before walking to the door.

"Raven, what the hell do you wa-" I started yelling, but quickly regretted my tone once I saw her. She was still in her uniform, bags under her eyes. It was clear she had not gone to bed for the day. Not only that, but she was holding a tray out in front of her with what looked like pasta, an apple, and some water.

"Can I come in?"

Here we go with her sudden change in moods at me again. I said nothing, but moved aside, allowing her to walk in, and gestured for her to sit on the bottom bunk.

"What do you want Raven?"

"I came to apologize. I know you didn't eat dinner so I brought you this."

She handed me the food. I had been too exhausted to realize how hungry I was, but the smell of the food was intoxicating and I was not about to argue. I took the plate and started eating, waiting for her to continue talking.

"I'm sorry for losing my temper at you today."

"That's funny. You lose your temper at me all the time and you've never apologized for it."

"I'm aware."

"So then why are you saying sorry now? And at 2 in the morning?"

"I was doing some thinking today. I've been very unfair to you. You've done nothing but help me these past few days...I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful. You're a really good friend Beast Boy."

"You've never called me your friend before."

"Well you are. Why else would I bring you food at 2 in the morning?"

"Because of my charming good looks?" I teased. Yes I was still annoyed at her, but the food she brought calmed my starving stomach, and her sincere apology made me realize I could not stay mad at Raven, no matter how infuriating and confusing she could be.

She, of course, frowned unamused at my words, but otherwise let it slide. "About my outburst earlier, I'm sorry. I should have been more clear that I'm not ready to tell the others about my bucket list. Or about me sleeping in here when I can't sleep. So I would appreciate that you don't speak of those things unless we are alone."

So that's why she had acted out earlier. She didn't want me talking about it near the others, even if they were far away enough to not hear our conversation. Had it been any other person, I would still be annoyed, but this was Raven, and the thought of her wanting me and only me knowing about these things made me feel oh-so warm inside.

"Sure thing Raven," I smiled at her, "I guess I should have known, either way."

"Yeah you should have figured that out on your own," she said, giving me a tender smile.

"Well in that case, I'm sorry for bringing it up today," I took the last bite of my apple, and yawned, before dropping the tray on the floor near the bed. "But next time, could you maybe come apologize at a time when people should actually be awake?"

"Yeah about that…"she whispered, seriousness back in her voice. "I came to ask for your help." Her white cheeks showed the slightest blush, her eyes avoiding mine.

"You said you would help me with my bucket list, and there is something I needed to do. Tonight."

This caught my attention. "Of course! What did you need?"

"Put your uniform on and meet me on the roof in 10 minutes."

"You got it!"

And with that, she opened a portal and disappeared

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A/N

Thank you all so much for reading and being patient for the chapters! You guys rule!

Don't forget to read and leave a review!


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note**

This one came out faster than I thought it would! The faster I write, the more my little heart sings with joy.

Enjoy!

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Disclaimer: I'm sure there is some sort of alternate universe where I own the Teen Titans...this is not one of them.

 **Chapter 6**

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

I silently cursed myself for over-working my poor muscles that afternoon. Putting on a tight spandex hero uniform is hard enough. Putting it on when you're sore and your muscles feel like wimp noodles is even harder.

Nevertheless, I dressed as quickly as I possible could so I could go meet Raven on the roof and help her with this bucket list thing. I still didn't know her reasons for starting a bucket list, and I knew not to pry no matter how the little voice in my brain yelled at me to ask her again. I hoped that by helping her check off the items on her list I could figure out the reasons behind her actions.

After getting myself dressed I ran (or rather, limped) to the tower's roof where I found Raven's ghostly figure floating in her usual meditative state. Raven usually only meditated for two reasons: to calm her emotions as a precaution to a big emotional event, or to calm her emotions after they had already been rattled.

Seeing her meditate now could only mean that she was either expecting to feel some pretty powerful emotions on our little bucket list adventure, or she was already feeling very strong emotions and needed to bring herself back down to her calm, apathetic state of control.

This bucket list sure meant a lot to her.

I quietly walked up behind her, not wanting to disturb her or make her loose concentration. She fit in so beautifully with the night sky. Like her, it was dark, some would even say frightening or gloomy, as it was such a stark contrast from the radiating look of the sky filled with the sun…but the night sky had its own beautiful worthy of admiration. Like Raven, the darkness was overcome by the pale white light of the moon and the billions of stars that broke through the darkness.

I couldn't help but stare at her calm face, radiant from the moon's light. After a few minutes, Raven slowly descended and turned to me.

"I'm ready."

"So what are we going to do?"

"Well before we do anything, we have to get to the right spot. I can't take the T-ship or the others will know we've left."

"T-ship? So we're going somewhere far?"

Raven shook her head and walked over to a small dark blue backpack that matched the color of her cloak. She took out a folded map and handed it to me.

"It's not too far, just a few miles out into the ocean," she said while pointing a tiny cluster of islands on the map.

"I know you like to fly out there sometimes, so you're familiar with the area. I need your help finding this island."

It was true, sometimes I needed to get away or just release the burst of animalistic behaviors that shouted in my head all day. Turning into various animals and flying or swimming into the ocean was one way to do it.

Lucky for Raven, the Jump City coast was filled with tiny uninhabited islands, just like the small one that we built the Tower on. If she needed to get to one of these islands, then I was just the guy to do it. I knew the area well, and even if I didn't, animals are the best trackers.

I grabbed the map from her, memorizing the location of the tiny islands she wanted to get to.

"You think you can do it? Take me to the island?" she asked, with just a tinge of nervousness in her voice.

I looked up at her smiling and winked, "The don't call me Beast Boy for nothing!"

Her nervousness disappeared with my reassurance and she gave me tiny Raven smile.

"Let's go."

Raven strapped her backpack on and we walked to the edge of the tower's roof.

"Follow me," I shouted before jumping right off the edge of the Tower and turning into a large sea bird. I stretched my wings out wide, while I rode the cold night wind farther and farther from the coast. My poor muscles protested from the soreness, but after a few minutes of flying by Raven's side I forgot all about my aching muscles and became very excited about where we were going.

It was a long flight over the ocean. All around us, there was only sea. Even the bright lights of the Jump City Skyline were barely visible behind us. It was extremely dark out, with the moon and stars as our only source of light. I had no idea how Raven was managing to know follow me; I was pretty sure she could barely see a thing without the animal night vision that I had.

After about an hour of flying, I could make out the distinct shape of a small patch of land in the middle of the ocean. It was barely an island, definitely too small to be inhabited by people. Even from this far I could tell there was nothing on there except for vegetation and maybe a few small animals. I flew straight towards it, wondering what it was Raven wanted to do there.

After a few more minutes, we finally landed on the sandy patch of land. I shifted back, utterly exhausted, and fell straight to the ground. Raven landed gracefully a few feet away, staring at me with an eyebrow raised.

"Can't handle a little flying, Beast Boy?" she teased, a smirk threatening to break through her apathetic mask.

"Hey! For your information I worked my butt off early and my muscles were very tired and sore, before we even started our flight here!"

Raven rolled her eyes at my, but they shined lightly enough for me to tell she was amused by me. "Well pull yourself together, we still need to go farther inland. It's just a few minutes' walk from here," she didn't give me a chance to rest before starting to walk towards the tall brush away from the beach. I groaned internally, not willing to give myself away to how exhausted I was, and slowly followed her with heavy footsteps.

After a few minutes of walking through the tall shrubbery, Raven and I finally came to a hilly clearing. She flew to the top of a tall rocky hill, and after clearing away from twigs and leaves from the ground, she took out a small blanket and laid it on the ground, before settling down on top of it. I followed her lead, thankful that I could finally sit down and rest for a bit.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Despite it being summer, the air was cool and left goose bumps on my sweaty skin. Next to me, I felt Raven shiver slightly, and she wrapped her clock tightly around herself.

"Hey Raven? Mind telling me why we are on a deserted island, in the middle of the night, while it's freezing out here?"

"This is the best spot to see them."

"See what?"

Raven smiled at me, a real, wide, beautiful smile that spread throughout her entire face. I smile that could make me fell warm and cozy in the inside despite how I was freezing and shivering on the outside.

"You'll see."

"You didn't happen to bring a jacket or something with you, did you?"

"No sorry. I didn't realize it would be so chilly out here. It's summer after all."

Slowly she got closer to me- close enough for our thighs and arms to touch-undid her cloak, and repositioned it so that it now covered both of us like blanket. Any and all thought of being cold left my body when I felt her thin warm body press itself onto my side. I snuggled in closer to her, scared that she would react and kick me out to depths of the sea, but she surprisingly snuggled right back into me, sharing my body heat.

I'm dreaming. I've got to be dreaming.

But her warmth, her scent, the feel of her soft skin gently pressed to my side as she sat next to me… this was too real to be a dream. I looked at her face, awe-struck at what was happening, but she simply looked up at the sky, waiting.

"There!" she yelled suddenly, pointing towards the black sky.

I followed her finger with my eyes…searching. All I could see was the dark night sky littered with specs of starlight, but she waited and watched so intently, all I could do was follow her lead.

And then I saw it. It was quick and impossibly bright. A shooting star.

I saw one, and another one, and another one, and on and on they came, bursting through the darkness and demanding our attention. Now I understood why she wanted to come here. By being so far away from the city lights, the stars shone even brighter, and we could truly appreciate their brilliance.

"Number 42," said Raven.

"What?" I asked, confused.

She grabbed her notebook from her bag and turned to the correct page on the bucket list, before handing it to me.

I searched for the number 42 on the list and read it carefully.

42\. See shooting stars. For Luck.

"Number 42. This is 42 on my list."

I smiled, and nodded at her, my attention returning to the incredible sight in the sky.

"Wow," was all I could say, speechless at the sight before me.

Raven turned to me, her smile from before still on her face.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" she whispered softly.

"Yeah. They really are," I whispered back.

Slowly, so very slowly, Raven's head slid down and rested on my shoulder.

I was frozen, utterly stunned by her actions. I didn't want this moment to end. I didn't know what was happening to Raven. I knew something was…off when I first noticed her trying new things voluntarily. When she started looking so anxious. I didn't know what to expect when I offered her my help, but it wasn't this.

I didn't expect her warm smile. I didn't expect her tender touches and bright eyes. I didn't expect to share my room with her to give her comfort in the night. I didn't expect her to open herself so much to me, when she was usually so closed off others. And I definitely didn't expect to look at her in such a different light. As more than just a teammate or roommate. As more than a friend, even.

I was sore and cold, my mind and body exhausted. But inside? Inside, my heart had never been happier, my soul had never felt so complete.

Slowly, so so slowly, I gently took her small hand in mine while we watched the glorious scene before us.

Soon, the meteor shower died down and I knew it was time to fly back to the tower. I waited for Raven to get up, but she didn't. She continued to stare up longingly at the stars. Eventually, I got tired and I let go of Raven's hand before lying down on the blanket. To my great surprise, Raven followed my lead and lay down right next to me, grabbing my hand once more.

I was pretty sure my heart would jump out of my chest from the happiness.

"Hey Raven?"

"Yes?"

"Why was it so important for you to look at shooting stars?"

"It was right there in my notebook Beast Boy," she said impatiently. "For luck."

"I didn't think you were the type to believe in luck. You're always going on about logic and reasoning and all that stuff."

She was quiet for a long time. I wondered if she took offense to what I had just said.

"You're right, I don't believe in luck," she whispered. It's irrational to think that witnessing a piece of matter from outer space burning through our atmosphere can lead one to have more preferable outcomes in life. But I wish I could believe in it. I wish I could believe that anyone could have some sort of control over how good their own life is. I wish I was lucky."

"I think everyone wishes that," I said quietly.

"Raven?"

"Yes?"

"Why would you do through so much trouble chasing something like luck, if you don't believe in it. Even if you want to believe in it…why make it part of a bucket list? I thought bucket lists were things you felt you HAD to before death."

She looked at me eyes wide with the slightest bit of shock.

"Since when are you a detective?"

I shrugged back, "I don't know. I've given thought to things I'd like to do before I die, but they all have a lot of meaning to me."

"Like what?"

"Well one thing I'd like to do is visit Africa, again," I said after a few moments. I knew that by saying this I'd have to tell her more. No one really knew about my past.

"Africa? You've been to Africa."

I nodded, staring at her big violet eyes, "I grew up there."

"I didn't know that," She replied quietly, squeezing my hand slightly.

"There's tons of things you don't know about me!" I laughed lowly, "Looks like I'm not the only mysterious one on the team, huh."

She gave me a small, curious smile, "I guess not."

"Beast Boy?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd like to change that."

"Change what?"

"Not knowing a lot about you. I'm going to make it part of my bucket list."

I rolled my eyes, and laughed loudly, "You're putting THAT in your bucket list? Raven, bucket lists are supposed to be more exciting and special than my life story!"

"But you are exciting…and special," she said so softly that I almost didn't hear her.

"Really?"

She nodded and blushed a deep dark red, avoiding my eyes.

It got quiet again, and we settled into the sound of the sea around the island, and the rustling of the vegetation around us. Then something occurred to me.

"You didn't answer my question."

"What question?"

"About why these shooting stars were so important to you. Why you went to so much trouble for 'luck' which you admit you don't even believe in."

At this she let go of my hand and sat up. I instantly regretted my words. Why did I have to ruin our moment?

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pried," I said quickly, hoping she'd just forget my words.

She seemed to sense my frustration, because she turned around to face me again, and gave me a small smile.

"It's okay, but how about I let you figure that out on your own? Since you're such as detective now?"

"You're on!" I yelled.

"Good luck with that," Raven replied, a small chuckle escaping her lips. "Come on, we should probably head back. It's very late."

We packed up the blanket and journal back into her small backpack and made our way back to the Tower. I knew it was a long flight back- about an hour- which gave me plenty of time to think.

Raven had some secrets, that much was obvious. But there was something about her bucket list…something about these shooting starts that just didn't make sense to me.

Why would anyone make a list of thing they thought were pointless, and then make it their goal to accomplish them? There had to be an explanation. Raven didn't to things on a whim. She planned them. Her actions had purpose.

Raven had a secret, and I was going to find out what it was.

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A/N

*insert dramatic music here*

Now wasn't that just a cute chapter?

I hope you enjoyed!

All reviews are so appreciated!


	7. Chapter 7

Hello readers!

I know, I know it's been too long, but I haven't forgotten about this story! Feel free to re-read the past few chapters to refresh yourself on the story. Thankfully they are pretty short.

On with the show! Hope you enjoy.

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Disclaimer: I'm sure there is some sort of alternate universe where I own the Teen Titans...this is not one of them

 **Chapter 7**

It had been one week. One week since the night that Raven decided to trust me enough to let me take her to an island far away to watch the shooting stars.

There was a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts I had to process to make sense of the recent events.

I decided to start off small. I couldn't help Raven with whatever inner turmoil she faced, but I could at least help her complete the latest addition to her bucket list: getting to know me better.

It was a lot harder than it sounded. My past is hard to bring up, difficult to even get myself to accept. The only two people who truly knew about my past were my adoptive parents Rita and Steve, but I hardly think that counts since Mento is literally a mind reader. I've never had to bare my heart open to someone and the fact that I was considering it now…it scared me.

I guess this is how Raven must feel when I pry.

I don't think I have a choice though, and really, I don't have anything to fear. I trust Raven more than anyone. If anyone knows about the importance of secrets it's her. Besides, I was doing this to help with whatever trouble she was in. Baring my soul to her is worth it. Everything is worth it for Raven.

I decided to do it as soon as possible, and now was the perfect time to do it. Cyborg had gone off to some sort of advanced engineering convention, Robin was off patrolling, and Starfire decided that today was the perfect day for a shopping spree. Raven and I rarely had the tower to ourselves, and I decided to make the most of it.

I ran to the kitchen and prepared her a cup of her favorite, and slowly made my way to her room.

"Hey Raven? You there?" I asked nervously. My hands were trembling slightly, sloshing the tea around in its mug.

The door opened immediately and there stood Raven. Her normally calculating eyes brightened ever so slightly at the sight of me, and I tried hard not to blush and forget why I was here in the first place.

"I—uh I made some tea."

She raised her eyebrow curiously, probably wondering why I was here.

"Thanks," she muttered quietly, before taking the mug from my hands.

She must have sensed my nervousness. "Beast boy are you okay?"

"Well actually, I was trying to—well umm, you see I thought it would be good to…umm well…"

I was not off to a good start.

Raven sighed, annoyed, with my ramblings, "Just spit it out Beast Boy."

"Can I come in?"

She stared at me for a few seconds looking me up and down questioningly. My heart thudded loudly, hoping that the past few days of trusting each other were enough for her to hear my out.

Finally, she nodded and moved over to let me pass. Breathing a sigh of relief, I made my way to her bed, noticing her journal and a pen propped up against one of her big blue pillows.

"Writing some more things in there?" I asked, smiling at her.

"I'm trying to fit them all in a schedule. I think I wrote too many things."

"Too many things in a bucket list? Nonsense! You have a lifetime to finish them all, Raven. Besides, you have me to help you!"

She did not look convinced, and instead rolled her eyes before sitting on the bed next to me.

"It doesn't matter, some of them were pretty pointless anyway," said quietly, frowning down at her journal.

It wasn't until those words that I sensed her troubled mood.

"Hey, look at me," I told her, gently lifting her face up to meet mine. "The things you want to do aren't stupid. Actually, I think it's really cool for you to want to try so many new things."

I didn't expect Raven's powers to slowly leak out of her and cover small objects in her room causing soundless miniature explosions around us. I didn't expect that same power to cover her bucket list journal, and burst it into a million tiny shreds of paper. And I certainly did not expect for her usually blank and hard eyes, to begin to glisten with soft tears.

I immediately went into panic mode. Did I say something wrong? Was she okay?

I had only seen Raven cry once in my entire life, and that was because a bloodthirsty dragon shattered her heart. As far as I could tell, there was no reason for her to be crying right now, but it definitely meant there was something seriously wrong.

"Woah Raven! What's wrong?"

My usual carefulness around Raven went right own the window and I did the only thing I could think to do to calm her down: I grabbed her by the shoulders, and held her tightly against me, letting her silently sob into my shoulder.

If you had told me that today I would be lying on Raven's bed, with her curled up next me while I comforted her between soft tears I would have told you that you were insane. Yet somehow, here I was, holding my beautiful, scary, mysterious, and suddenly vulnerable friend Raven in my arms. Not that I was complaining…but what the hell was going on?

She only cried for about fifteen minutes, muttering nonsense like "I tried to make it right" and "I just wanted to feel normal" and "I wish luck existed." I said nothing but continued to hold her.

It was another thirty minutes before her breathing slowed back to normal and I could feel she had calmed back to her usual self. She held on to me the entire time, eventually laying her head on my chest and wrapping her shaky nervous arms around me. Still I said nothing, but I softly began running my fingers through her dark hair, amazed and confused about what had just happened.

It was another twenty minutes before she spoke. "I'm sorry for that."

I only chuckled softly "Raven you don't have to apologize for crying. Besides, I'm perfectly happy being here for you whenever you need me. We're friends, remember?"

"Why _are_ you here, anyway?"

"Well actually I came to help you cross out another item from your bucket list."

"It doesn't matter anymore. It's ruined," she grabbed a handful of the shredded paper and threw it in the air like confetti."

"Come on Raven, just because it's not down on paper anymore, doesn't mean it's any less important. Besides I came to talk to you about my past. You said you wanted to know more about me."

"Your past? Beast boy I really appreciate it, but you don't have to-"

I cut her off before she could finish, "I want to."

She was quiet for a few seconds and she began getting up, off my chest and out of my arms. I held her tightly, unwilling to let her go. She looked at me curiously, and I looked back at her, my eyes pleading.

She must have understood; she is an empath after all. It was her turn to comfort me.

She put her head back on my chest, her hair tickling my nose slightly, and she held me close.

"I guess I've never told anyone my story. I don't like to talk about it, but I want to tell you."

"I was born in Africa as Garfield Mark Logan…"

It was easier telling Raven my story than I expected. Her slow, steady breathing comforted me. Her thin fingers began tracing invisible patterns on my chest, calming me.

When I finished my story we both remained silent.

Just two vulnerable, scared kids, with horrible pasts, holding on to each other like it was the end of the world.

Eventually the soft voices of our teammates could be heard around the tower, they must have all gotten back.

It was time for Raven and I to leave our little bubble of safety. We both stood up off the bed and walked side by side to the door. Whatever apprehension we held towards each other in the past was completely gone. Our relationship wouldn't be the same again, and some how I knew she knew that. I guess that's what happens when two people become comfortable enough to be completely vulnerable with one another.

The soft hiss of the automatic door sounded as it opened in front of. We looked at each other for a second; one long second of complete trust and understanding, and then I left, feeling more at peace that I had in a very long time, thinking that everything was going to be okay.

I didn't know how wrong I was.

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That's it for this chapter. Only about one or two more to go before the end.

Please read and review, I hope you enjoyed!


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